Friday, March 29, 2013
DECENCY AND SEXUALITY
Witches are serious about their business. They have two businesses actually.
They are at the top of the pile when it comes to the mastery of the dual nature of life. They are of hermaphrodite brain, of a Jekyll and Hyde disposition, of infantile and supremely old natures combined, never youthful. The face they show to society is that of a CPA, or telemarketer, or teacher, or saleswoman, typist, any thing.
Their real business is one of harnessing the youth and sexual energies of others.
They do this through blackmail, appeasement, sales, anything.
Before you let a witch into your life, understand that your decency is their best weapon, your sexuality too.
Witches especially love fourteen year olds.
Forty two isn't bad either.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
The Mouse Of The House Wants To Roar At The Baby Mice To Restore His Fallen Pride
The witch's husband lives in a default state of fear. If a dog growls at him, he'll bark to appease the dog. If a snake shows up on the scene, he'll slither and hiss. If you show up with a stick speaking Mandarin, he'll start speaking Mandarin.
If the witch is around he speaks only Witch, even with his own kids.
If you lose the witch, maybe he'll speak English.
-SDG
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
There Are No Coincidences, Only Patterns We Refuse To Recognize
hehehehehehe As always, the witches have shifted blame very quickly to their spouses. The spouses feel like they are sitting on live coals, again.
-SDG
HELL
Witches and their significant others have a very complicated value system when it comes to family, children, and sexuality.
- Homoerotic behaviour is normal as long as they are the only people engaging in it. The same goes for bestiality, orgies, blood rituals etc
- Pedophilia is normal too, as long as it is only them and their best friends engaging in it, never mind who the victims might, since the belief is that it is normal.
- When a son comes of age, or a son-in-law visits, or a nephew is in town, or an old friend stays over, a maid is sent to his room when the lights are turned out to ask if he needs anything. Seriously, how can anybody help you while groping in the dark? Should he say he's okay and needs no help he is mocked for the rest of his life as "impotent".
- If a daughter visits and she has a child, the child is given a gold necklace. Books and toys carry no meaning in their world. Gold, little boys, women, land is what they kill for.
- If a neighbor visits, and the neighbor visits with her two adorable brats, she is asked "How do you manage TWO children? One is too many. Life must be a living hell for you all. Poor you."
- Should someone cross their paths who has six children they are told they are traitors to the country and that they should buy 8 one way tickets to Pakistan.
- When the family of 8 goes back to their home the witch and her husband announce the water works department needs to mix something in their water that sterilizes all who drink that water.
- They invite a colleague to dinner and inform him he looks like their daschsund. That story is like a shot heard around the world but they are deaf to all feedback.
- If a sister visits she might be allowed at first into the home but is offered nimbu pani laced with laxatives. If she insists on coming back she might get beaten up at the gate. Should she continue to be respectful and welcoming toward her brother they'll go over to her place and beat her up. When the sister forgives and forgets they'll tell her husband to beat her up. What they are really trying to do is impress you with their capacity for violence, begging for acknowledgement of their muscle power. If their violence is ignored, it'll follow you around until you compliment them for it.
- What price would you pay to enter this hell? It is asked for in cash and kind.
- The password to the gates to Hell is "mardon ki yehi toh shaan hai".
- Homoerotic behaviour is normal as long as they are the only people engaging in it. The same goes for bestiality, orgies, blood rituals etc
- Pedophilia is normal too, as long as it is only them and their best friends engaging in it, never mind who the victims might, since the belief is that it is normal.
- When a son comes of age, or a son-in-law visits, or a nephew is in town, or an old friend stays over, a maid is sent to his room when the lights are turned out to ask if he needs anything. Seriously, how can anybody help you while groping in the dark? Should he say he's okay and needs no help he is mocked for the rest of his life as "impotent".
- If a daughter visits and she has a child, the child is given a gold necklace. Books and toys carry no meaning in their world. Gold, little boys, women, land is what they kill for.
- If a neighbor visits, and the neighbor visits with her two adorable brats, she is asked "How do you manage TWO children? One is too many. Life must be a living hell for you all. Poor you."
- Should someone cross their paths who has six children they are told they are traitors to the country and that they should buy 8 one way tickets to Pakistan.
- When the family of 8 goes back to their home the witch and her husband announce the water works department needs to mix something in their water that sterilizes all who drink that water.
- They invite a colleague to dinner and inform him he looks like their daschsund. That story is like a shot heard around the world but they are deaf to all feedback.
- If a sister visits she might be allowed at first into the home but is offered nimbu pani laced with laxatives. If she insists on coming back she might get beaten up at the gate. Should she continue to be respectful and welcoming toward her brother they'll go over to her place and beat her up. When the sister forgives and forgets they'll tell her husband to beat her up. What they are really trying to do is impress you with their capacity for violence, begging for acknowledgement of their muscle power. If their violence is ignored, it'll follow you around until you compliment them for it.
- What price would you pay to enter this hell? It is asked for in cash and kind.
- The password to the gates to Hell is "mardon ki yehi toh shaan hai".
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
♫ Soni de nakhre sone lagde mainu...♫
All the witches in my life want to know, in high pitched breathless voices, "Have you seen Soni?"
-SDG
Unfunny
There comes a time when you can no longer put a spin on your narration of the actions of the evil and make it funny. At that moment speak openly and plainly about what matters to you.
Witches are not actually funny.
They are just evil.
-SDG
Monday, March 25, 2013
And their eyes were watching God
Karma is going to have a field day with you witch. The safety, personal dignity, and well-being of children are some of the most precious things in all the worlds to the gods.
Don't go robbing children of their rights.
-SDG
Sunday, March 24, 2013
FEAR vs LOVE
FEAR is a powerful shaping agent in our lives. Look at it in the face, plant your boot in its arse and send it back into hiding under the witch's robes.
LOVE is a force multiplier.
WITCH-ISM 101
You may never actually see the witch cackling loudly, big hairy wart and all, shriveled skin, ugly robes, riding a broomstick, because she has learnt to fly under the radar.
Look inside a beauty parlor, in temples and churches and dargahs and synagogues, at your local grocery store or pet grooming shop, or your niece's wedding or your uncle's funeral, and you'll see her smiling sweetly, talking sweetly sounding like honey laced with morphine is dripping, taking away money, the life force, and personal dignity away from the young and the defenseless.
We offer here at Witchipaedia a crash course called WITCH-ISM 101 on building a radar that'll show you guided ballistic missiles as well as the witch.
Materials needed - a sharp pair of eyes
- an open mind
- a desire to improve ones lot in life
- a bullshit detector, refurbished is okay
Expected graduation date is March 13/2014.
-SDG
CENTURY!
blogosfear - Fear of being talked about or becoming a character in someone's blog. - http://urbanup.com/6994446
Friday, March 22, 2013
THE GULAG AS RUN BY GULABI BAI
A witch's household is run either along the lines of a brothel or that of a concentration camp. If you don't believe me live in one.
-SDG
MADAM
My taste in music and dance is setting off the pimps, oops witches, into action. If I post thumris or odissi they react ignobly to it.
Somebody annihilate the witch!
I want to listen to music in peace.
-SDG
Hostage food
Any time there is a hostage crisis there is always a witch involved.
"Want your donut?
Come get locked up in this room.
Or you eat nothing."
-SDG
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Creative Cartography
Hey you, you good-looking, hard-working, high-achieving, I-got-my-nose-to-the-grindstone, overly polite, humble, sweet, ever smiling person, you, I'm talking to you. The witch has all of your blindspots and mental blocks on a mindmap. She has created a few more of them blindspots to install into your precious precocious brain.
-SDG
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
misfits
This witch started a business with her husband. Then they(she) hired her drunken useless lout of a brother to be the Managing Director, and his hardworking and accomplished newly minted CPA niece to wash coffee pots and mugs, run errands, buy paperclips, and wash restrooms if the janitor did not show up. The niece quit in 2 months. They've gone bankrupt now and are calling the niece a deserter.
-SDG
He who has the gold makes the rules.
If a coven are fighting over the right to keep someone in a cage that person is their "golden goose".
-SDG
hierarchies
Witches' pecking order is based on the size of their bazookas. Don't get fooled just because you can't see it on account of their robes.
-SDG
She might be on to something...
Witches are completely attuned to their needs, wants , desires. Only they never seem to be satisfied when their needs, wants, desires are met. But that does not mean they are on the wrong track...
-SDG
save the dying
Witches will kill anyone, I mean anyone, family, friend, foe, anyone, whom they perceive as having succeeded in their quest for love or for peace.
-SDG
dress code
Witches are a bundle of nerves under a carefully crafted exterior of green face, shrieky speech, pointy shoes, ugly clothes, pointy hat to conceal pointy head, other pointy fetishes they know are socially unacceptable. So be kind to witches. If you were to blow their cover they'd die of hysteria.
-SDG
Pati, patni, aur woh...
~ When the witch slept with her husband's boss, he felt like she became his boss and had dominion over him.
~ When the witch slept with the young school boy next door, he began to see her as young and energetic.
~ When the witch slept with her ex, he began to see their love story as the only fairy tale in the world.
~ When the witch slept with that rich old dude, he began to see her as the source of his wealth.
~ When the witch slept with the football player, he began to see her as athletically more gifted than himself.
~ When the witch slept with his best friend, he began to see her as his best friend.
~ So now he has a prize for a wife. In an effort to keep his prize he is deriding his mother, his sisters, his daughter, his nieces, his neighbor's daughters, saying they are a bunch of whores.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
jingle
Want to make the witch mad? Really, RE-ally mad??
Sing, "I'm Sexy And I Know It" every time you walk past her.
I don't know why it works, but it always works.
-SDG
sour grapes
Witch experiences the greatest sense of accomplishment when she puts down someone more accomplished than herself.
-SDG
the female hyena is born hyper-aggressive
On the surface it seems Witches subscribe to the patriarchal system of society. They'll wear sindoor, sweep floors of temples, eat vegetarian, but beneath the surface is a whole another ball game.
-SDG
So man created godkind in his own image...
Witches believe in a vengeful God who likes to be plied with gold, sweets, cash, sacrifices. Karma is of no consequence to them. They are completely confident Karma is suitably seduced by gold, sweets, cash, sacrifices too
-SDG
do unto her ...
Witches reserve their highest regard for those who can lie and get away with it until they meet someone who blows their every lie out of the water and gives them a good whipping for it. ooooo they love it.
-SDG
the terrorist network
Where witches abound even the most seemingly independent events are closely connected. Connect the dots.
-SDG
the written word
Witches feel oh so threatened by a girl with a book, even if she is only 12, or, perhaps, 46. They recoil in horror when they see her.
-SDG
old ugly
A witch's ugly heart is so pleased by the sorrow of a child, she'll pinch pennies from a baby to line her coffin with velvet, like it really matters
-SDG
Rock a bye baby...
Witches hate babies because they know babies have the opportunity to grow up healthy and happy while they tossed away their chance for peace health and happiness to their vanities.
- SDG
basic instincts
Witches loathe men for their natural inclination toward women who signify health, maternal instincts, and good survival skills i.e. intelligence. They can fool any man in every way except they can't fool his instinct for preserving his genes. It is the one thing that destroys her grand scheme for achieving world domination, the proverbial "spanner in the works".
-SDG
♫ "I wanna be like you" ♫
Why are witches often heard saying to normal people, "There's no difference between you and me" ???
-SDG
"Where's the whip?" "In it's usual place, the witch's closet."
"If a slave doesn't know he is a slave, is he a slave?" Ask the witch's husband. Let me know what he said.
-SDG
Follow the money...to the pimp
"If a prostitute doesn't know he is a prostitute, is he a prostitute?" Ask the witch's husband. Nah. Ask the witch.
-SDG
Black Hole
The Witch is like the Bermuda Triangle. Keep your distance, or your compass, barometer, GPS, bullshit meter will all melt and you will be lost.
-SDG
OH N0000oooooo....Where did that come from???
What the witch hates about life - the way nice people seem to pop up out of nowhere just when she's done maiming, silencing, dismembering a few.
-SDG
Lilith
What the witch hates about her children - the possibility that they will be better human beings than herself, more loving, more loved.
-SDG
The older she gets...
What the witch hates about herself - her inability to make a good impression without some serious machinations. Her peers have seen enough.
-SDG
beauties in the bud gets nipped first in witch's garden of weeds
What the witch hates about the young - youth, beauty, energy, hope, joy, and their disdain for her diktats.
-SDG
stop being a flower in the witch's garden of weeds!
What the witch hates about you - your shoe size, your IQ, your friends, your smile, mostly your smile.
-SDG
clams and cream sauce
Move over Carmen Electra. MTV is history. The witch is getting off watching Food Network these days. I thought it might be Bobby Flay, but she's shelling her pea to Giada de Laurentiis.
-SDG
irrational fears
Witch walked into neighbor's home, took a look at the furniture & the paintings on the walls, and asked "Why did you buy such a nice house? I feel threatened."
-SDG
a witch by any name...
Witch ne kaha "Sa" aur "Su" akshar se shuru hone waale naamon ke logon se baat mat karna.
Woh bahut burre log hain.
Main hans hans ke mar gayi.
Woh bahut burre log hain.
Main hans hans ke mar gayi.
-SDG
Don't let the witch keep you from meeting your friends!
There are people in this world the witch does not want you to meet. Go meet them. I promise you 9 times out of 10 they are awesome folks!
-SDG
choti bhabhi
1998 - Witch got married. Husband bought her a car. Her brother bought himself a moped. Witch threw a party for brother celebrating his newfound success as a salesman who had purchased his very first vaahan. Witch said, "See how lucky I am. I never need to go anywhere in a rickshaw."
2005 - Witch's husband got a major promotion. Her brother bought a car. Witch threw a party for both at her brother's house, broke a coconut in the driveway as soon as all her guests had arrived, and sprinkled its water on her brother's car. Witch said, "See how hardworking my brother is. He rose from a class 2 employee to the upper ranks in no time at all."
2008 - Her brother got married. Witch found herself a new punching bag and the pressure was off her husband for a while. Her husband got another major promotion. Her brother bought a house. Witch celebrated brother's griha pravesh while her SIL sat on the sidelines, and then she cut a cake for her husband's birthday which was the following week, and every one wished him luck on his new post in the company. Witch said,"Pandit ne kaha tha yeh saal mera bahut achchaa hai."
2010 - Witch's brother & wife had a baby boy whom the witch does not particularly like. Strange, coz, you know, he's only a baby. But anyways, witches are weird so we didn't pay too much attention to that. Witch said,"Let's see how he turns out when he grows up."
2012 - Witch's husband got yet another promotion, a company car, country club membership, the conference in Singapore, the usual frills that announce he's made it to the top. Witch's brother found himself a keep, and bought her a pucca hut near his home. Witch has been busy befriending this woman( buying her clothes, furniture, drapes), who looks like she came off some crude burlesque stage. Witch proudly says,"My brothers are so horny, one woman is simply not enough for them. We are a warm blooded family."
2013 - The witch's husband has turned into a werewolf asking all and sundry if she will be his girlfriend. I hear the witch has been very supportive of his efforts.
I hate to think forward to 2014.
2005 - Witch's husband got a major promotion. Her brother bought a car. Witch threw a party for both at her brother's house, broke a coconut in the driveway as soon as all her guests had arrived, and sprinkled its water on her brother's car. Witch said, "See how hardworking my brother is. He rose from a class 2 employee to the upper ranks in no time at all."
2008 - Her brother got married. Witch found herself a new punching bag and the pressure was off her husband for a while. Her husband got another major promotion. Her brother bought a house. Witch celebrated brother's griha pravesh while her SIL sat on the sidelines, and then she cut a cake for her husband's birthday which was the following week, and every one wished him luck on his new post in the company. Witch said,"Pandit ne kaha tha yeh saal mera bahut achchaa hai."
2010 - Witch's brother & wife had a baby boy whom the witch does not particularly like. Strange, coz, you know, he's only a baby. But anyways, witches are weird so we didn't pay too much attention to that. Witch said,"Let's see how he turns out when he grows up."
2012 - Witch's husband got yet another promotion, a company car, country club membership, the conference in Singapore, the usual frills that announce he's made it to the top. Witch's brother found himself a keep, and bought her a pucca hut near his home. Witch has been busy befriending this woman( buying her clothes, furniture, drapes), who looks like she came off some crude burlesque stage. Witch proudly says,"My brothers are so horny, one woman is simply not enough for them. We are a warm blooded family."
2013 - The witch's husband has turned into a werewolf asking all and sundry if she will be his girlfriend. I hear the witch has been very supportive of his efforts.
I hate to think forward to 2014.
inflatable ego for rent. want one?
Witches loathe happy people, happy families in particular. If you are happily married stay the f^*# away from witches. They know how inflated egos can be blown away from the nest like hapless balloons in a breeze. They know how to make your worst fears come alive too. If your mind/ego is out for sale or rent a witch can play havoc with your life. Not just your life, but your spouse's life (read wife's), and your kids', and your parents'.
You can let the witch inflate your ego or you can stay calm and kick her butt as often as needed.
You can let the witch inflate your ego or you can stay calm and kick her butt as often as needed.
-SDG
sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll...
~ If the witch invites you to her dinner party don't go wearing a sari. She will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ When she offers you a choice between vodka and whiskey don't say Sprite. Accept the booze and pour it down a sink when her back is turned or she will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ Then the music will begin. If you won't dance with her husband or her brother she will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ When every one is flushed with alcohol and exercise the joint will get passed around. Smoke but don't inhale or she will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ Should you choose to go home with your husband she will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ Take a good close look at her and you will realize she is exactly the country bumpkin she loves to laugh at. She don't read or write too well, can't cook to save her life, needs her beedi and tharra every day, and dances like a zulu warrior.
~ When she offers you a choice between vodka and whiskey don't say Sprite. Accept the booze and pour it down a sink when her back is turned or she will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ Then the music will begin. If you won't dance with her husband or her brother she will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ When every one is flushed with alcohol and exercise the joint will get passed around. Smoke but don't inhale or she will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ Should you choose to go home with your husband she will laugh and laugh and laugh at you for being such a country bumpkin.
~ Take a good close look at her and you will realize she is exactly the country bumpkin she loves to laugh at. She don't read or write too well, can't cook to save her life, needs her beedi and tharra every day, and dances like a zulu warrior.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Thank you JJ
I am very grateful to my friend Jyoti who appreciated my writing and encouraged me to keep on writing even when I felt like I was all out of witch-isms. She sent me this note congratulating me on my starting my blog that I am sharing with you. She had suggested the name "Witchipaedia" for the compilation of my witch stories. I could not have thought of a better title.
Thanks Jyoti. You are an awesome writer yourself and praise coming from you is extra special.
"If fairies have mesmerized us forever, the witches, in their turn, have kept us spellbound with their ways too! As in fairy tales, where a happy ending was not possible unless the evil forces were vanquished, so too in real life, living happily -ever- after is not possible until negative forces have been subdued and erased from our lives.
J"
Thanks Jyoti. You are an awesome writer yourself and praise coming from you is extra special.
"If fairies have mesmerized us forever, the witches, in their turn, have kept us spellbound with their ways too! As in fairy tales, where a happy ending was not possible unless the evil forces were vanquished, so too in real life, living happily -ever- after is not possible until negative forces have been subdued and erased from our lives.
The dilemma however, is that evil forces are not easily discernible. The black robes and pointed hats of witches, the brooms on which they flew, the cauldrons in which they brewed magic potions no longer exist. They have been very well camouflaged with modern dresses, swanky cars, sophisticated lifestyles and could fool, the most intelligent minds.
Witchcraft has become subtle. Pretended affection, false sense of caring, back stabbing is the modern version. Unsuspecting people are victimized and the lives of entire families are ruined by such predators for pleasure. Unlike the witches of yore, they do not cachinnate openly once they have hurt you, rather they offer their sympathies to complete the act.
It takes acumen to see past the sweet façade into the dark interiors where hard hearts harbor evil intentions.
Reading Sonali’s posts on Witchipaedia, makes one feel, “I wish I had known this earlier!”. However, it’s better late than never. A very well put together blog indeed! Looking forward to reading more! All the best Sonali!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
simple equations
Respects self but not others = witch.
Respects others but not self = witch's victim.
Respects neither self nor others = witch's suppository.
Respects others but not self = witch's victim.
Respects neither self nor others = witch's suppository.
-SDG
all that drama
Do you know why the witch is always accusing all and sundry of wrongdoing? It is to deflect attention from herself. The next time she's making silly accusations about some one or another like, "she forgot to wish me a happy birthday and hurt me so much", or "you know, she was on Facebook all night", look at her even more closely. There's probably some heavy duty wrongdoing going on right there.
-SDG
stop the wheel
A friend suggested we watch the witch's behavior and check for worsening of her symptoms around the time of the full moon. After several months all the crew agrees it is a bi-month phenomenon that coincides with the new moon and the full moon, or perhaps the vagaries of her hormones. We're told the slamming of doors, the banging of head on walls, the screaming of the kids, all get worse.
Hoping there is a cure for this.
Hoping there is a cure for this.
-SDG
pull off a Houdini
Any time the witch wants you to agree to do something you don't want to do simply because it is against your best interests she will create a scene, cause havoc in your life, try to push you over the edge, hoping you'll panic and, in your confusion, listen to her reasoning that she'll offer in a calm reassuring voice. That's the time to say say to her sweetly, "You are so sweet," and walk away.
-SDG
Google google, boil and drooble...
Witch bought PC in 2002. Googled self. Was thrilled.
Her every conversation between 2002 and 2010 contained,"Have you ever Googled me?"
Around 2010 her sister began to show up a whole lot more on Google, in nice newspaper articles covering her life and bio, so that's when she stopped talking about her august presence on the world stage...She probably felt like she used to be Cinderella, but now she's the ugly sister.
Her every conversation between 2002 and 2010 contained,"Have you ever Googled me?"
Around 2010 her sister began to show up a whole lot more on Google, in nice newspaper articles covering her life and bio, so that's when she stopped talking about her august presence on the world stage...She probably felt like she used to be Cinderella, but now she's the ugly sister.
-SDG
swab, scalpel, sutures...
The witch is a festering wound on the larger organism that her family is. She must leak and hurt and stink before she either kills those who support her or dry and scab. Let's see which way she turns. Some physicians have suggested a minor surgery.
-SDG
archetypal thugs
The modern day Indian witch has an incredibly heavy financial burden to bear. She has on her payroll a dhobhi who tells her whose saris he washes, a pandit for ceremonies she invites neighbors to, another whose palm she greases so he reads hers, a murshad, a tantrik, a maid for her, two for him, a lackey to run errands, a dalaal, some goondas, and fifteen other people around town who tell her what's going on in her sisters', sisters-in-laws', arch enemies' lives, and a hacker or two. Is it any wonder she has to beat up her husband every now and again to have him dig deeper into his pockets 'coz she can't run her household of two in the many thousands he gives her.
-SDG
submission and domination
A while ago the Witch had shared with some of us her favorite fantasy, of being with Carmen Electra, in a dominant position, whatever that means to her. Her husband giggles and coos every time she brings that up she said. Not sure she ought to be telling us about his favorite fantasy but she always overshares so she told us he wants to dress up in a belly dancer's costume, wear a turban, and pink lipstick, and get locked up in a cage on one of those sidestreets in Bangkok, or Manila, or Amsterdam, or Mumbai, while men undress him with their eyes. Cute couple, that. I can see why it is a match made in Heaven.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
WTF???
There's this witch who will actually stop her car or stop walking to throw rocks at mating dogs or cows or whatevers paying no heed to what the rest of the world thinks of her. I wonder why.
-SDG
bon voyage
It's not like the witch serves no purpose on this planet. She is the first one who makes you feel uncomfortable in your comfort zone and precipitates change. Whether or not you change for the better is really up to you, but she is the catalyst that makes you get off your butt and actually do something, if only to escape the witch.
-SDG
" ♫ Trusssst in meeee, jusssst in meeee ♫ "
When the witch talks it sounds like honey laced with narcotics is dripping. It is at once sweet, sedating, mind-altering, and extremely detrimental to your well-being.
-SDG
Friday, March 15, 2013
Be afraid, be very, very afraid.
I do not fear "witches" half as much as I fear those who fear them.
leader of the pack
The witch is a misfit everywhere she goes but what I truly admire about her is her ability to gloss over all her shortcomings and play up her one good quality, leadership.
She got held back in school a couple of times, but she calls the rest of us stupid, and we call her "intelligent" ever so often now, I wonder why.
She can't frame one coherent sentence but she has trained her brother to say,"Yes Master," every time she speaks, I wonder how.
She leads the pack on every adventure and her family follows, their only view her rear end, seeing only what she wants them to see, her rear end.
Now that is some serious talent for leadership.
She got held back in school a couple of times, but she calls the rest of us stupid, and we call her "intelligent" ever so often now, I wonder why.
She can't frame one coherent sentence but she has trained her brother to say,"Yes Master," every time she speaks, I wonder how.
She leads the pack on every adventure and her family follows, their only view her rear end, seeing only what she wants them to see, her rear end.
Now that is some serious talent for leadership.
-SDG
when laughter is the worst poison for you
When you have thought everything through, cross-checked your references, triple-checked your facts, and you confront the witch at point blank range with some yes or no questions she looks you straight in the eye and says,"I don't know what you are talking about."
You can hear her laughing like a hyena as soon as your back is turned.
You can hear her laughing like a hyena as soon as your back is turned.
-SDG
sick note
Witch sez to moi,"No one can read this book (Roots) in 3 days. You must be autistic, that is why you can read so fast."
LOL witch, with your interpersonal skills and complete lack of social graces, you must be the one who is autistic, but who cares. Be well. Be happy :)
LOL witch, with your interpersonal skills and complete lack of social graces, you must be the one who is autistic, but who cares. Be well. Be happy :)
-SDG
It was God's name she took in vain
When a witch has been rude to you and you register a complaint she gets all high and mighty and says,"You should've been Christlike and turned the other cheek. You didn't do that. tsk tsk"
-SDG
Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble...
Giving you a little side-by-side peek at witch's interactions with her family.
10 a.m. EST Witch(55 years old) calls niece(42 years old) and has a pleasant chat. The niece has been through some trying times and recovered and is actually having a good laugh at all the s^*+ that happened in her life. Witch say breezily,"You know, I had a neighbor exactly as old as you, she looked exactly like you, she loved to dance exactly like you, she had two kids the exact same ages as yours, she hanged herself in the garage yesterday. The police looked into it and ruled it a suicide so they've been nice to the husband, when in most circumstances he would have been treated like a suspect. We still don't know why she killed herself as she left no note behind. She had started a dance school just a couple of years ago. Why don't you start a dance school or a music school too? It'll be good for you and your kids."
11 a.m. EST The Witch's sister calls the niece,"Do you know what? My sister said you are so depressed you might commit suicide. I disagree. You sounded just fine last weekend and you sound just fine today. Did you mention a desire to harm yourself when you spoke to her last?"
Take the phone away from that Witch. She does not need a telephone for God's sake.
10 a.m. EST Witch(55 years old) calls niece(42 years old) and has a pleasant chat. The niece has been through some trying times and recovered and is actually having a good laugh at all the s^*+ that happened in her life. Witch say breezily,"You know, I had a neighbor exactly as old as you, she looked exactly like you, she loved to dance exactly like you, she had two kids the exact same ages as yours, she hanged herself in the garage yesterday. The police looked into it and ruled it a suicide so they've been nice to the husband, when in most circumstances he would have been treated like a suspect. We still don't know why she killed herself as she left no note behind. She had started a dance school just a couple of years ago. Why don't you start a dance school or a music school too? It'll be good for you and your kids."
11 a.m. EST The Witch's sister calls the niece,"Do you know what? My sister said you are so depressed you might commit suicide. I disagree. You sounded just fine last weekend and you sound just fine today. Did you mention a desire to harm yourself when you spoke to her last?"
Take the phone away from that Witch. She does not need a telephone for God's sake.
-SDG
vinegar or wine
Sorry witches. Though I do agree you have suffered greatly but so have the rest of us. You chose to become mean and bitter and for that you will be held responsible.
-SDG
robbin' all the way
Witch, "Don't call me a thief. I am like Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the needy. On second thought, I am like those Italians you see, like The Godfather. I like to get rich and watch my family getting rich too."
-SDG
Bingo
Eeeeww.... Witch claims her SIL is a furry. Nobody is buying that. I hope she knows. People just think there is some deflection or projection going on here.
-SDG
Grimm Tales
The Witch's husband wants us all to believe his life is a fairy tale.
If we believe that, he can believe that too.
He speaks of his rose garden, the orchards, the yacht, the summer palaces, the robbers who want his money, the women who want his body, you know, markers of worldly success.
But the sad sad truth is all the jewels and fancy robes his witchy wife is wearing can't hide the fact she poisons people's soup, steals their silver and gold, like Rumpelstiltskin asks for people's children. So now, no matter what he says in praise of his "fairy tale" we are still laughing at his gullibility.
If we believe that, he can believe that too.
He speaks of his rose garden, the orchards, the yacht, the summer palaces, the robbers who want his money, the women who want his body, you know, markers of worldly success.
But the sad sad truth is all the jewels and fancy robes his witchy wife is wearing can't hide the fact she poisons people's soup, steals their silver and gold, like Rumpelstiltskin asks for people's children. So now, no matter what he says in praise of his "fairy tale" we are still laughing at his gullibility.
-SDG
gate closed
It takes guts to put an end to the witch's plotting and planning and execution of her harmful deeds. Do you have the guts to stop her?
-SDG
green
Want to know what makes a witch do what she does? She's threatened by someone's IQ, some body else's charm, another's grace, maybe your smile.
-SDG
puthanaa aayee hai. kya kahoon usse?
Don't tolerate the indignities the Witches heap upon you and your children. Do it once, shame on them. Do it twice, shame on you.
-SDG
foul play
The Witch is looking high and low for a Christian Grey mask for herself and an XXXXXXL French maid uniform for him. She owns a whip already she confirms.
-SDG
no contest
The Witch is mean because she's always feeling "outdone", so she poops on your music lesson, your game of chess, your dinner party, your writing project...
-SDG
Oddly coupled
Witches and their spouses are failed social contortionists. One time this witch and her husband were trying a new social game and he had his nose too close to her rear end and she stepped back, most people believe on purpose, but he hadn't anticipated her back tracking, so now they go together everywhere like a human centaur, the witch walking upright, her husband with his head stuck up her ass bringing up the rear.
-SDG
Who you know...
There are people in this world the witches don't want you to meet. Go meet them. I promise you 9 times out of 10 they are awesome folks!
-SDG
"Smile ! You're on candid camera"
A Witch's primary aim in life is to keep you feeling unhappy.
-SDG
Madam's algorithm
The witch always knows her value in the equation of her marriage.
Witch + several maids etc + violence = husband + alcohol - money
-SDG
she drinks like a fish & smokes like a chimney
The Witch knows this - the way to a man's heart is through his vices.
-SDG
what she doesn't know can't hurt her
The witch doesn't know injustice always comes back to bite you in the butt.
-SDG
...when we practice to decieve
If a witch is desperately trying to usher you out of a room full of people you are probably unknowingly shredding her carefully woven web of lies :)
-SDG
she's anal retentive
Respects self but not others = witch.
Respects others but not self = witch's victim.
Respects neither self nor others = witch's suppository.
-SDG
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
The witch only desires to be thought of as beautiful, dutiful, and rich.
Any one who makes her look like anything less is just roadkill to her.
-SDG
♫ Money, money, money / Must be funny / In the rich man's world ♫
The witch's husband says,"If I find my winning lottery ticket I might croak."
The witch looks away into the middle distance and smiles.
-SDG
mizz grinch
The witch suffers incurably from a case of Google Envy...frothing at the mouth, emitting short sharp barking sounds, appearing disoriented...
-SDG
panic manic
Any time the witch wants you to agree to do something you don't want to do she will cause havoc in your life hoping you'll panic and just do it.
-SDG
pet show
Witch speaks of spouse and to spouse like she owns him, like a prize heifer or an award-winning pumpkin. He remains non-reactive, like a prize heifer or an award-winning pumpkin.
-SDG
EXILED TO THE LAND OF EXTREMES HE WAS
EXILED TO THE LAND OF EXTREMES HE WAS by SDG
Mr. Goodbar was oh so good-looking it hurt to look at him, him with his light golden skin, glossy black hair, eyes you could fall in love with, a nose to die for, lips you wanted to kiss unabashedly, and that ass...
Well, Mr. Goodbar was not so lucky though, not in the love department. When he was very young he had been cursed by an evil witch, on account of his vanity. So now he fell in love with every one he met. He fell in love with other extremely good-looking people, and also with the freaks of nature. You see, the witch had put a spell on him so he could only see the extremes of any situation, or of any attribute, even rainbows. He saw a chimerical pot of gold at each end of every rainbow, completely missing the arch. In keeping with the rules set for him by that evil curse, the regular girl-next-door and her friends, who are to be found in the "bell-curve" of the spectrum that society is, became completely invisible to him.
Mr. Goodbar had had a string of lovers over the years, alternating among the glitziest and ditziest in town, and the oddballs you never knew existed - the mayor's niece, the hooker's daughter, followed by the defrocked priest, then the churchlady herself, the admiral's wife, then the storekeeper's clerk, the belle of the ball, then the old barmaid.
He lives alone now, entertaining the well-heeled from out of town. He is the self-appointed tour guide of our esteemed city, and he says it is to put people at ease and make them feel welcome. I'm so not sure he is achieving his goal, however practised his hospitality has become over the years. He looks good though, even with the twitch in his arm, and scar on his face, earned from living an interesting life under the spell of an evil witch.
Mr. Goodbar was oh so good-looking it hurt to look at him, him with his light golden skin, glossy black hair, eyes you could fall in love with, a nose to die for, lips you wanted to kiss unabashedly, and that ass...
Well, Mr. Goodbar was not so lucky though, not in the love department. When he was very young he had been cursed by an evil witch, on account of his vanity. So now he fell in love with every one he met. He fell in love with other extremely good-looking people, and also with the freaks of nature. You see, the witch had put a spell on him so he could only see the extremes of any situation, or of any attribute, even rainbows. He saw a chimerical pot of gold at each end of every rainbow, completely missing the arch. In keeping with the rules set for him by that evil curse, the regular girl-next-door and her friends, who are to be found in the "bell-curve" of the spectrum that society is, became completely invisible to him.
Mr. Goodbar had had a string of lovers over the years, alternating among the glitziest and ditziest in town, and the oddballs you never knew existed - the mayor's niece, the hooker's daughter, followed by the defrocked priest, then the churchlady herself, the admiral's wife, then the storekeeper's clerk, the belle of the ball, then the old barmaid.
He lives alone now, entertaining the well-heeled from out of town. He is the self-appointed tour guide of our esteemed city, and he says it is to put people at ease and make them feel welcome. I'm so not sure he is achieving his goal, however practised his hospitality has become over the years. He looks good though, even with the twitch in his arm, and scar on his face, earned from living an interesting life under the spell of an evil witch.
She's born with it
Some are born witches, some become witches, and some have the label thrust upon them.
-SDG
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
The witch always says,"Be more like me."
Heck, I don't want to be a sicko like you. Look at you, I mean really look at the mess you are.
Heck, I don't want to be a sicko like you. Look at you, I mean really look at the mess you are.
-SDG
3 things
The witch has these three things on her mind a lot, as every conversation with her will prove to you -
- What, when, and where do other people eat ?
All I ask is, "Witch, WHY O WHY O WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW????"
- What, when, and where do other people eat ?
All I ask is, "Witch, WHY O WHY O WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW????"
-SDG.
The witch farted...
The witch farted. It was a killer. Her dog and her husband were both seated on the same couch as her. She blamed the husband !
-SDG.
Who is this witch?
The witch is the mean person in any story. She could be 16 or 60, male or female, fat or skinny, rich or poor, but she's always mean. These stories are tailored to accommodate the stereotypical "old hag female witch" in the starring role. In reality, like I said, she could be 16 or 60, male or female, fat or skinny, rich or poor, but she's always mean.
I just want people to know that this is not one particular person or group of persons, but the universal villain in all of us. We all have the potential to be mean, and if we choose to not behave, we automatically choose to wear the witch's cap. So, don't go looking for the witch from here to Timbuktu. She could be sitting right next to you. Worse, she could be you.
I just want people to know that this is not one particular person or group of persons, but the universal villain in all of us. We all have the potential to be mean, and if we choose to not behave, we automatically choose to wear the witch's cap. So, don't go looking for the witch from here to Timbuktu. She could be sitting right next to you. Worse, she could be you.
-SDG.
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