Keep an eye on the witch

People watchers typically follow newsmakers, the rich, the famous, the goodlooking, the industrious.

Stop!

Keep an eye on the witch.

Find out where she was born, to whom, how she was raised, who her friends are, whom she's screwed, whom she's killed, whom she owes favors to, whom she's talked to in all the years she's been polluting the planet, and you'll solve many unsolved mysteries of this world, resolve many issues for many, reopen and bring closure to many cold cases.

                                                                                                        -  SDG

Oversharing Witch shares again, in spadefuls

Witch was drunk as a skunk. She says her husband hasn't touched her in months and it is getting to her.
"Is he having an affair?" some one asked.
"Humphhh..," she said and waved that away.
"Is he sick. Does he need to see a doctor?"
"I doubt it."
There was a pregnant pause and the witch began to sob quietly.
She said,"My mother misled me. She said all men are bisexual. I paid a huge price for believing that. I told my husband I used to play 'doctor' with my cousin M when we were kids and we did again at S's wedding and now he thinks I am a freak. I thought he would understand.
"Did you tell him when you began to date that you are bisexual?"
"Come on, who does that???"
"Something as important as sexual orientation needs to be disclosed before a commitment is made, don't you think???"
Silence.

                                                                                            - SDG

SHE DIGS DIGNITY

The witch has no dignity of her own so she wants to steal yours.

                                                                                                                               -  SDG

HIGHLY PREDICTABLE

No matter what project a witch undertakes it fails.
She makes every one soooooo unhappy no one can function beyond a certain point.
People respond to threats and narcotics only so long.
Real happiness comes from peace.

                                                                                -  SDG

A Witch's deepest desire is for you to notice her presence and hit her back

She likes you.

She does not know how to handle attraction.

She is primitive in her demonstration of love.

She is wired like a caveman, so she bops you on the head and drags you off to her cave where you get to be her slave and she your master. She is not an evolved human being so she does remain unattractive.

She does not handle your lack of attraction to her very well at all.

Enjoy that? Stick around for the daily whippings and branding.

Don't enjoy that? Figure out what to do next.


                                                                            -  SDG

IT'S NOT THAT YOU ARE COMPARING APPLES AND ORANGES

The witch understands that a mind that is decisive is powerful.

That which is powerful she cannot control.

Every day she sends her husband to the grocery store to buy veggies and fruits for the day.

All he likes to eat is meat.

The meat she buys all by herself.

She never takes her cellphone to the meat market.

She is vegan.

When her husband is at the grocery store she calls him 3-5 times in the 20 minutes he is there and asks him what he is buying.

If it is red apples he's looking at she tells him,"You stupid old fool, don't you remember the last time you bought red apples I found a worm in one. You know how I hate to hurt animals. Buy the green ones."

He says, befuddled by the anecdotal evidence, "Yes dear."

If it is the green ones that are fresh she says,"You old hag, the green ones always have bruises on them. You know how I hate to offer God damaged goods. Buy the red ones."

He says, obfuscated by the anecdotal evidence, "Yes dear."

He might be fifty, with a PhD, an impressive mortgage on his home, many stamps on his passport, 5 children who all went to ivy league schools, but he can't make simple decisions any more.

                                                                                       -  SDG

Love, Sex, aur Dhokha(and Betrayal)

Witches follow you more closely than you think.

They collate the "information" they can garner from your Facebook posts, your emails, your Youtube play lists, your Tweets, etc. etc. and put together a playbook by which they and their allies will "bring you down".

They burn the phone lines between themselves discussing your state of mind.

Never mind the fact that they always get it wrong. They understand sex, they understand betrayal, but they don't know WTF love is.

If you post a Eckhart Tolle video, they'll tell you they are not religious but spiritual and you should be just like them, shun religious dogma and work for the general good, like them.

Should you post a thumri (a traditional song) they will begin to prepare to sell you to a kotha(brothel).

If you make a joke with a double entendre they will invite you to their next orgy.

They play it by ear.

If a witch's message to you makes no sense at all, check your communications to the world at large in the past couple of days and think like a witch for 15 minutes, you'll know exactly what she means.

                                                                                                                     -  SDG

                   

BADI BHABI - EPISODE VIII - Hallelujah for figs!

Hallelujah for figs! BB had figs. And they helped. TREMENDOUSLY. But she figured it out only now. 

Two days ago, in the middle of a toothache, I got this panicky call from her, BB saying she was so scared she might die. "Why? You looked okay the last time I saw you. What happened?" I asked. She said a little while ago she almost passed out in the loo having a vision of herself on a funeral pyre because she saw lots of red in the water. She was crying hysterically thinking she might die of a shock induced heart attack and hoped her neighbors would check on her since they would not see her taking her dog for a walk. 

I told her to calm down. It is okay. These things happen.

She said she was calling because she was calm. When she stopped crying she brought out a trusty cotton bud, stuck it up her ***, and checked, and it was red but lumpy so she performed a sniff test if you please, and remembered she had had lasagna for lunch, prune and cranberry juice for breakfast, red wine and chicken tikka masala for dinner three days ago.
That episode led to a cleansing after years.
She says it was those figs her neighbor gave to her. "They're great. And taste better than Isabgol." 

                                                                                                                                  -  SDG

BADI BHABHI - Episode VII - Look At Me, Only Me

You girls better watch out, you are all rebelling against your husbands by getting yourselves corporate jobs. Your husbands will soon all be dead.

My neighbor did that, her husband died in five years.

My sister-in-law did that, in a different way, she had an affair with my brother's boss, and he died in two years.

Look at me, I was such a good wife. I always worked at a job at a much lower level than my husband's. I never let him feel I was competing with him as head of household.

                                                                                                                -  SDG

BADI BHABHI - Episode VI - FAIR 'N LOVELY

BB said,"Mujhe dekho, main kitni gori aur kitni khubsoorat hoon, lekin mere pagal pati ko sirf lambi aur kali ladkiyan pasand theen."

{TRANSLATION : Look at me, I am so fair and beautiful, but my stupid husband only liked tall, dark girls."}

                                                                             -  SDG

BADI BHABHI - Episode V -"I'M PRAYING FOR YOUR HEALTH DEARIES," she said.

Badi Bhabhi was grossly obese most of her adult life.
Then she developed a very serious health condition, losing 100 lbs in one year.
It left her lovely bone structure exposed albeit under some wrinkles.
Now she very piously tells us all,"You should lose some weight. Look at me, I'm twice your age and as slim as your daughters. Fat is most unattractive. People hit on me when I go to the temple. Just last week, two guys at the temple were hitting on me. When you are fat like you all, nobody hits on you."

                                                                         -  SDG

MARKET WOES

In her youth the witch trades her youth for favors of all stripes.
As her youthfulness abandon's her making a quick getaway she looks for the most marketable thing around her, and since she has no skills, and since objects are dearer to her heart than people she sells her spouse if he is market-worthy, kids if they don't rebel against her, friends if she can pay them their commission or just plain trick them into being sold while she collects a profit in any form dear to her.

                                                                                                          -  SDG

Life with the criminally insane

If you depend on an institution, like perhaps a corporation, or a family owned business, or a marriage, for your daily bread take a good close look at the daily routine of the ones you depend on.

Make chart of how the 24 hrs of the day are spent.

Make one too of where the gross income goes.

Count the number of sentences exchanged and study communication patterns of the inmates.

Make a note of behaviors of each inmate resulting from said communications.

Need I say more?

                                                                                                                   - SDG

A Concerted Effort

When a witch has done you wrong the following events are guaranteed :


 ~ she will contact your family

 ~ she will get in touch with your friends

 ~ having discovered who dislikes you why, she will fan the flames of hatred

 ~ having discovered your sources of friendship and support, she will sow seeds of discord

 ~ having discovered your source of happiness, she will destroy the source of your happiness


                                                                                                                -  SDG

YOU ARE HER GERBIL ON A TREADMILL GOING NOWHERE

The Witch instinctively knows that love and addictions both can be equally powerful forces in the decision-making process by which her victims arrive at their decisions.

She allows you the illusion of choice so the decision becomes your own.

The choices that Life seemingly offers to you are always staggered, weighted, loaded by her.

You may choose between "Love" and "Dependence" , once you boil it down to the basics.

To that end money, support, approval, companionship, sex, rest, food, respect, career choices, your hobbies, are restricted by The Witch.

You will be offered all things taboo if you are eager to partake of things taboo.

You will have your mobility and support system curtailed should you refuse contraband.

When you are unhappy at the outcome she tells you you are unlucky.

You are no better off than her pet gerbil she loves to watch on his plastic treadmill.

Yes, she LOVES to watch you. She gets off on watching you. So watch you she will.

For once, turn the spotlight on the witch and you'll see how she operates.

If you enjoy being her pet gerbil congratulate yourself and pray for an abundance of rodent fodder to light up your days.

If you'd rather be human, pray for magic.

                                                                                                                           -  SDG

BADI BHABHI - Episide V - Mrs. Pious Lady and The Big Bad Boyz

BADI BHABHI - Episode IV - THE BELLY BUTTON DANCE

*BB called. And for the life of me I can't figure out her greeting,"Tumhara belly button theek hai?" 

Translation : ( Is your belly button okay?)

I mean this was before "hello, how are you."

Scratching my head. Then the rest of the conversation was a bit disjointed too but somewhat saner. I'm wondering if she's on something, or ought to be on something.

January 26 at 4:44pm ·  · Like · 

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• Aloka Ray likes this.

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Sonali Gurpur Aloka, I wish you could meet her. She can be very intimidating if you were raised with the strong belief "Elders are ALWAYS right", because she peppers her speech with a lot of shlokas, aphorisms and quotes from the Bible and Quoran. Once you get past that she is a lot of fun to be around, just waiting to see what she might say or do next. She is an entire Vaudeville act all by herself, the poor old lady.

January 27 at 6:01am · Like

Aloka Ray Wish I could....seems quite interesting :)

January 27 at 6:45am · Like

Sonali Gurpur Let's see what she does or says next. 

I'm wondering if there are more people like her or if she is a very unique specimen.

January 27 at 7:03am · Like

 *BB today

by Sonali Gurpur on Saturday, January 29, 2011 at 6:05pm

Uh-oh, BB called, rattled after spending half the day at the ER. She woke up with a terrifying earache and thought she might die, her neighbor who took her to the ER thought it was an ear infection. The Dr told her she had packed gunk and a woolly mass in there so they put some pink syrup in them and washed them out with warm water and she is feeling good as new. To be on the safe side they handed her a prescription in case she developed a fever. She is quite upset with the Dr however, "Bees saal ka bhi nahin hai, apni Amma to kaan saaf karne sikhaa raha hai. Kaun aak ji taareek mein bob pin se kaan ka mael nikalta hai. Q tip ka zamana hai. Bhookha marega doctari nahin chodega toh."

TRANSLATION: (He isn't even twenty, and he wants to teach his grandmother how to suck eggs. He will die a pauper if he doesn't quit medicine.)

*BB

BB is feeling better, the QTip episode well behind her. She went furniture shopping all day in the drizzle and has her heart set on a "ball and claw" table. I don't know where this is headed but it seems like a step in the right direction.

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*How long are you obliged to offer someone a shoulder to cry on? 

Badi Bhabhi (BB) needs to get a life. In the middle of my chores the phone rang and I saw her number but picked it up despite all my apprehensions only because she is newly bereaved.

Bam! She did it again. No hi, no hello, her greeting was,"Thumara belly button theek hai???" {Translation :  Is your belly button okay?}Only this time I did not respond. I remained silent giving her time to reflect on her own words. 

After 5 seconds or so she says, "Theek hai jaane do. Pata hai meri didi ( older sister ) ka phone tha. Mere bachchon ne usko phone kiya tha yeh poochne ke liye lehenga satin mein ya taffeta mein zyada sundar lagta hai. Mere betiyan mujhko phone nahin karti hain. Us saali ko phone karti reheti hain. Kamaaoo hai na. Meri tarah housewife nahin hai. Kaash main bhi doctor hoti apni betiyon jaise toh meri kadr karte mere bachche. Sab power ka aur paison ka khel hai. Jab tak ye zinda they bachche roz phone kiya karte the. Ab nahin. Unko apni Amma se kuch nahin milega toh phone kyon karenge?""{Translation : Never mind  about your belly button. My older sister just called from India. My daughters call her all the time asking her for advice on trivial matters like what to wear. They call that bitch but they don't call me. I don't earn but she does so she gets their respect. I wish I was a doctor too then they would love me too. Tell you what, life is all about money. As long as my husband was alive my daughters called home every day. Now he's dead and they call no more. They know I can give them nothing."}

Her other phone rang and she excused herself to answer it since it was from her didi ( older sister )" again. I'm not sure what her problem was but on an international call she yelled her lungs out at her didi,"Don't encourage my children to call you by talking sweetly to them. Why do you have to be friends with my children when you have children and grandchildren of your own? Don't talk to my kids." With that she hung up on her didi and asked me yet again, "Tumhara belly button theek hai? {Is your belly button okay?}" I had to hang up.

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*BB ka bb problem solved

by Sonali Gurpur on Tuesday, February 15, 2011 at 10:06am

BB aaj Badi Bhabhi se Bheegee Billi hui hai. Unka naya roop bada pyara hai. Belly button ka raaz khul gaya. { BB went from Badi Bhabhi to 'wet cat' today. The secret of the belly button was revealed today.} She spent the better part of Valentine's Day at the Dr's office, the same young Dr's office who removed the "woolly mass" from her ear. This time he asked her if she used Q Tips for belly button hygiene. She hated him for asking her that I'm sure. She had to be seen for a severely painful bb (belly button) from leftover cotton fibers getting soaked each day and was told to stick to wash cloths. This time she was not arrogant. She has finally understood her limitations. Now I can stop getting annoyed by her greeting,"Tumhara bb theek hai? {Is your belly button okay?}

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Anamitra Roy Barbeq to blackberry problem solved ?

February 15 at 10:40am · Like

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Sonali Gurpur Does that mean I was getting BBQ'd? I was. I didn't know how to deal with older people who are stupid/mean/vulgar because I was raised to respect all elders. Only now I am beginning to understand how stupid people can be despite their age.

February 15 at 10:44am · Like

Wear A Cross and Go Buy Some Garlic

Vhat Vitches Vant - You. So be afraid. Be very very afraid. Or deal with it.

January 23 at 7:48am ·  · Like · 

• Anamitra Roy likes this.

BADI BHABHI - Episode III - BB calling

BB calling

by Sonali Gurpur on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 11:19am

BB called. I picked it up in spite of my apprehensions. She was civil in an olde worlde kind of way, asking about every body's health. expressing concern over issues that cause concern etc etc. Then she told me,"Mehengai ka zamana hai. CVS mein buy 2 get 1 free Q Tips mil raheen hain. Jaake khareed lo," and she said she grocery shopped on Sunday, cooked yesterday, is calling up friends and family today, as per her weekly routine. I guess she's not so bad after all.

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• Daman Sahni likes this.

Invasion of privacy

Seriously, how would you respond if you realized one day that your cellphone was bugged, your email account compromised, your Facebook trespassed upon, and somehow or another someone you know well but not in the room with you at the times these things occurred knew the exact contents of your conversations with your children, what t.v. show you watched that afternoon, what time you were at the library, the exact mileage on your car,which song you were singing in the shower. Would it make you feel safe or happy or loved? Sorry I asked that, but I do need to make you think.

                                                                                                                   -  SDG

BADI BHABHI (Episode II)

Sonali Gurpur

That had to be a luncheon from Hell or at least Vaudeville. We were six at the table, my friend from India who was the hostess, her cousin who went to school with me, the bereaved lady wife of deceased Ranjhi player, her two daughters who were flying back to OH and to MO. "Badi Bhabhi" is how my friend addresses her so I did the same.

The food was superb, dahi ballas soft as a cloud, baigan masala, and biryani.

January 14 at 10:03am ·  · Like · 

Sonali Gurpur 

It was nice meeting my friends. We met after years. I met "Badi Bhabhi" and her daughters for the very first time. The lady is very grave in her speech and demeanor and being newly bereaved very anxious and wide eyed. We were especially careful to be very deferential toward her. And so I guess she had to do all the talking, because our fear of saying the wrong thing was keeping us quiet. She was especially pleased to note two of the party were from Hyderabad, since biryani was on the menu.

After the jalzeera we got up to go to the table. BB pulled out a bottle of gray powder from her bottomless purse and offered it to me. I asked her what it was. "Julab" , she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Kyon, tumko constipation nahin hota?"{Don't you suffer from constipation?}

"Nahin toh."{No.}

"Sahi? Hamare padosi the Hyderabad ke. Unko tha."{Oh really? That's strange, because my neighbor in Illinois, from Hyderabad was severely constipated.} 

"BB, Hyderabad mein caroron log rehete hain."{Badi Bhabi, millions of people live in Hyderabad.}

Then she offered it to my friend and was met with uncontrollable giggling. BB was visibly shaken, but she took her khurak {dose} and began telling us where to sit.

Then she asked us what we wanted to drink. The requests were, Coke, water, Diet Coke, water, more jalzeera. She opened a large bottle of Sprite and started pouring it in our cups, saying,"Motion ke liye yeh sabse achcha hai."{It is excellent as a laxative.}

My friend almost choked on a dahi balla. BB's daughters were turning pink, but sweet dutiful girls, 29, and 27, that they are, they said nothing.

BB smacked her lips and asked the hostess,"Baigan mein til hai ke nahin? Swad nahin aa raha." {Aren't there any sesame seeds in the eggplant curry? I can't taste them.}

"BB til khatam thi toh nahin daali."{I was all out of sesame seeds.}

"Til constipation ke liye bahut achcha hai. Beta shaam ke liye bhindi banaanaa. {Sesame seeds are an excellent laxative. Cook okra for dinner.} It has a lot of slime to help you go."

January 14 at 10:24am · Like

Smita Srivastava LOL. Good BB didn't sprinkle isabgol over the bhallas !!

January 14 at 12:51pm · Unlike ·  1 person

Daman Sahni LMAO @ ISABGOL....Honey, you will get it

January 15 at 10:29am · Like

Sonali Gurpur Apparently BB asked for my phone no. Her kids have moved far away so she feels very lonesome and needs people to talk to. I don't know what to think, or what to do.

January 16 at 6:54am · Like

Ipsita Johri Rane Sona di - hope all those people are not on your FB :D

January 16 at 7:11am · Like

Sonali Gurpur No. Obviously not.

January 16 at 7:18am · Like

BADI BHABHI

Posting a new series called BADI BHABH starting today. It started as a Facebook post so on occasion I will include the comments to maintain continuity.

"Badi" in Hindi means "older" or "senior"or "larger"  (Fem.)
"Bhabhi" in Hindi means "brother's wife".


This story is mainly fictional, with a few facts woven in here or there for realism. We all know at least one or two women who sound a whole lot like Badi Bhabhi (BB) so don't email me asking me how I know your Aunt Chameli or when I met your neighbor Mrs Kapoor. Badi Bhabhi is not based on any one individual. She just represents a certain set of attitudes that I have encountered in several different people. They all belong to a certain school of thought.

So here goes, BADI BHABHI (Episode I)

BADI    BHABHI

Sonali Gurpur

called a few friends and acquaintance to wish them a Happy New Year. Most folks are doing well so God's in His Heaven and all's right with the world, but for a few exceptions. I heard this sad sad tale from a friend who had to attend a funeral over the weekend. Someone they knew well back in India had passed away.

January 6 at 9:09am ·  · Like · 

Sonali Gurpur 

He was a high school teacher and lacrosse coach who had taken his team to NYC for some special training and was sightseeing when he got run over by a bus.When my friend and her husband went to give their condolence the widow, 55, all distraught said,"Bhale yeh bhi koi baat hui. Life insurance bhi nahi thi. Khud khushi kar lete saalon pehele. Itne saal maine bilkul deformed admi ke saath zindagi guzaari hai. Physics aur Math aur lacross ke alawa unko kuch nahin aata tha. Logon ne mujhko poem likhke bheje meri jawani mein. Inse ek Valentines Day ki card bhi nahin mili. Woh kya kehte hain, unki right brain deformed thi. Aur toh aur, even one ball was smaller than the other."

{TRANSLATION : Would you believe this ? He had no life insurance! He could have thrown himself under a bus a long tme ago. Just imagine, I spent all those years with a deformed man. He knew nothing beyond Physics and Math and Lacrosse. When I was young boys used to write me poems. He never even gave me a Valentine's Day card. His right brain was deformed. Even one ball was smaller than the other."} 

January 6 at 9:17am · Like

Daman Sahni Oh dear.

January 6 at 9:25am · Like

Sonali Gurpur The deceased had a Phd in Physics and had played Ranjhi cricket so he picked up lacrosse playing with his kids and got all his certificates so he could coach. I grieve for not just his soul but for the life he must have lived each day for the last 30 years.

January 6 at 9:37am · Like

Subroto Banerjee oh gosh!

January 6 at 10:28am · Like

Sonali Gurpur That's life.

January 6 at 12:57pm · Like

"As soon as you learn to trust yourself, you will learn how to live." ~ Goethe

Witches do not want you to trust yourself.
To that end a witch will attack your daily routine on a daily basis.
They will tell you you should be more like them as they have mastered the art of living,
saying, "DON'T DO THAT. THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT. DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO."
You shall be ridiculed and maligned for waking up at 6 a.m. rather than at 5,
for speaking English rather than Hindi,
for eating rice rather than rotis,
for wearing cottons rather than synthetics,
for drinking coffee rather than tea,
for watching cartoons and documentaries rather than soaps,
for singing rather than meditating,
for sleeping at 9 p.m. rather than at 11.

If you are well-rested, healthy, and articulate, in their disfigured minds you pose a threat to them.

                                                                                                                 -  SDG

   

What an unlucky family...they're always mourning an untimely death due to lung disease while nobody smokes

A wealthy widower, with 3 daughters ranging in ages from high-school freshman to college senior, five years after his wife passed away, married a young widow of 29. She had no children from her first marriage and never had any in her second. It seemed that the mourning never ended in his family ever since she walked over the threshold. His new wife's brother's wife died of a lung disease, as did her husband's sister, as did the oldest daughter's husband. It was like lung disease ran in the family, except all of the dead were not related by blood but only by marriage. Clearly, genetics is not the root cause here, so it must be environmental. And not one of the deceased had ever smoked.

                                                                                                - SDG

A little regularity is what the witch ordered

Witches know men are creatures of habit. The more habits she can get him to acquire a taste for, the more enslaved he becomes, so there is beer or gin at noon, whiskey and cigars 7p.m. - 11p.m., whores M-W-F, conjugal visits on Saturday afternoons followed by some pot and coke, a vacation in the "native place" every summer, another annual trip in the fall to some distant exotic land, an orgy every 6 weeks or so, a big ritualistic puja every 12 weeks or so, a whipping every 9 weeks or so, salt free food so he gets used to an insipid diet and can't eat anything but food from her kitchen even while she is the one with high blood pressure not him, a massage for him and her on Thursdays to relieve the muscle cramps for him from not getting enough salt, facials for them both on Fridays, fasting on Tuesdays, the list goes on. It is about getting him into a groove, lots of holy occasions around the house to balance out the public opinion on the unholy happenings around the house, adding addictive substances to the mix as shackles to the bodymindsoul.

Now if she could fix her constipation problem we would all experience much relief.

                                                                                                               -  SDG

Crossed Connections

Witches help other witches, often pretending they are not meeting each other, not communicating via phone or email. Threats and money and gifts and pride all factor into their interactions. Watch their words and actions. No witch or those fearful of her will tell you who their allies are. Make intelligent deductions.

                                                                                                          -  SDG

A Sporting Family

Brother, 45, tells his sister, 35, the one who is married to a Ranjhi player,"Your husband might be a good cricketer but he is not great because he doesn't have a killer's instinct. You see, that is the key to success in life."
Is it a coincidence five years later both were widowed in freak accidents?
Maybe it was a coincidence, who knows, but it was freaky.

                                                                                                         -  SDG        

Sharing and Caring

The witch's mom passed away so she and her sister are in town. The funeral just got over, they got home, the witch brought her mom's gold bangles into the guest room where her sister is staying for this week and said,"Let's divide them between us, one for you, two for me, three for you, four for me, five for you, six..."

                                                                                                      - SDG

Blattodea

Witches, like roaches, thrive in the cracks in the system -  in establishments, in families, in friendships, in marriages.....
They come out in the dark, do their dirty work, and leave as soon as the lights come on. They want you to think they don't exist.
They last thing they want is a bright spotlight upon them.
When you confront them they say nobody knows them and they know nothing and that they owe you know explanations.
Their evolutionary history is very, very, long, so if you see one counting beads and quoting the Upanishads, don't get carried away by the external adaptations.
She is still a witch.
It is up to you to decide what to focus on, the artifice of the external, or the internal reality.

                                                                                          -  SDG

"Violence is the last resort of the incompetent." - Issac Asimov

Nothing makes a witch's blood boil as does the existence of a competent human being.


                                                                                                             -  SDG

Mansharing, works like sharecropping, because, after all, the penis is a natural resource

Mansharing is something witches excel at, and have excelled at since prehistoric times, which brings me back to the suspicion that witches have not evolved in millions of years, like the sharks and the crocodiles. They get by by wearing a veneer of civility and a fake smile. Anyways, I digress, it's mansharing I was talking about.
About the time of King Solomon, a witch and her neighbor began arguing over a man. Both claimed he was her husband. The man said they were both his wives. Both women said they had no evidence he had had ever been married to the other. The village elders could not decide who was telling the truth, so they sent them up to King Solomon's court. He heard them out, told the executioner to chop the man in half, split him down the middle, like just so, so each woman could have at least half a husband.
The witch went,"Yes!"
Her neighbor went,"Nooooo. She can keep him."

                                                                                   
                                                                                                   - SDG
SHARECROPPING(Wiki)

Sharecropping has benefits and costs for both the owners and the croppers. It encourages the cropper to remain on the land throughout the harvest season to work the land, solving the harvest rush problem. At the same time, since the cropper pays in shares of his harvest, owners and croppers share the risk of harvests being large or small and prices being high or low. Because tenants benefit from larger harvests, they have an incentive to work harder and invest in better methods than in a slave plantation system. However, by dividing the working force into many individual workers, large farms no longer benefit from economies of scale. On the whole, sharecropping was not as economically efficient as the gang agriculture of slave plantations.^[1] In the U.S. "tenant" farmers own their own mules and equipment, and "sharecroppers" do not, and thus sharecroppers are poorer and of lower status.

Sharecropping occurred extensively in colonial Africa, Scotland, and Ireland and came into wide use in the Southern United States during the Reconstruction era (1865–1877). The South had been devastated by war; planters had ample land but little money for wages or taxes. At the same time, most of the former slaves had labor but no money and no land; they rejected the kind of gang labor that typified slavery. The solution was the sharecropping system focused on cotton, which was the only crop that could generate cash for the croppers, landowners, merchants and the tax collector. Poor white farmers, who previously had done little cotton farming, needed cash as well and became sharecroppers.^[2]

Jeffery Paige made a distinction between centralized sharecropping found on cotton plantations and the decentralized sharecropping with other crops. The former is characterized by political conservatism and long lasting tenure. Tenants are tied to the landlord through the plantation store. Their work is heavily supervised as slave plantations were. This form of tenure tends to be replaced by wage slavery as markets penetrate. Decentralized sharecropping involves virtually no role for the landlord: plots are scattered, peasants manage their own labor and the landowners do not manufacture the crops. Leases are very short which leads to peasant radicalism. This form of tenure becomes more common when markets penetrate.^[3]

Use of the sharecropper system has also been identified in England^[4] (as the practice of "farming to halves"). It is still used in many rural poor areas today, notably in Pakistan and India.

Although there is a perception that sharecropping was exploitative, “evidence from around the world suggests that sharecropping is often a way for differently endowed enterprises to pool resources to mutual benefit, overcoming credit restraints and helping to manage risk.”^[5]

It can have more than a passing similarity to serfdom or indenture, and has therefore been seen as an issue of land reform in contexts such as the Mexican Revolution. However, Nyambara states that Eurocentric historiographical devices such as 'feudalism' or 'slavery' often qualified by weak prefixes like 'semi-' or 'quasi-' are not helpful in understanding the antecedents and functions of sharecropping in Africa.^[6]

Sharecropping agreements can however be made fairly, as a form of tenant farming or sharefarming that has a variable rental payment, paid in arrears. There are three different types of contracts.^[7]

1. Workers can rent plots of land from the owner for a certain sum and keep the whole crop.
2. Workers work on the land and earn a fixed wage from the land owner but keep some of the crop.
3. No money changes hands but the worker and land owner each keep a share of the crop.

BROKEN IN

Holy Moly!! You know what she said??...I'm thinking of my dad, my uncles, granduncles, their colleagues...
She said, the witch said,"I like a man in uniform because he knows how to follow orders."
And all we ever thought of was service and dedication.

                                                                                                                          -  SDG

Kissa kursi ka

You always see the witch cracking a whip and your eyes are glued to the wavy line of the rope as she swings it around, showing off her strength and skill at domination, making loud popping noises with it.
Ever notice that chair in her other hand?
Hmmm......
What's with the chair???
I hear in THAT chair lies her true strength.
This is worth investigating.

                                                                                                                            -  SDG

Edison, Fleming, Einstein, somebody please discover Viagra for Witches

Mark my words, witches across the board are anorgasmic.
Therein lies the wound, the shame, the sense of deprivation, the over-compensation, and the roots of jealousy.

                                                                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                         - SDG
       

Flexicon

Witches are oh so scared of any one willing to gain a vocabulary that describes them.
They get away with felonies, pedophilia, buggery, collusion, etc etc 'coz most of us hardly know what that means.

                                                                                                                                     - SDG

Bibbidibobbidiboo

There are only two responses to Life.
You can either become a witch,
or you can become even awesome-er.

                                                                                                                                 -  SDG

Happily Married

This is yet another story of yet another married man who met a blond while married to a brunette. He fell  in love much against his will. After fighting his conscience for six whole months he told his wife he had met someone else, and the only honest thing to do was to move on. He packed a suitcase, wrote the house in his wife's name, and moved in with the blond. They got married once his divorce was final. They were terribly happy but he did need his stuff, since he had left his first wife's home with just one suitcase. Every now and then he drove to his first wife's house to pick up things he needed, or she dropped his things off at his new place, and by and by, as the awkwardness melted away with increasing familiarity, they all became good friends.
The blonde and the brunette fell hopelessly in love before you could say "Little Jack Horner" twice and started a clandestine affair behind his back. They had pet names for one another's left and right titties, and lady boners too. Yeah, it was hot. It was something they hid well from him, especially since it is so hard to imagine, so therefore hard to discover, until one day he came home at eleven to change his shirt having spilled coffee on it during a specially stressful meeting with a fussy client that morning and found them in a compromising position in the bathtub.
"I knew it," he screamed.
They yelled and screamed right back  at him and flung about a lot of soap suds and he fled back to work.
When he came home that night he found a Dear John note stuck to the microwave telling him she had moved in with his first wife and that they wished him well.

                                                                                                                                   -  SDG

Vision Test

A happily married man met a ditzy blonde at a conference and got terribly distracted by her. She seemed to get drunk on sparkling juice, coughed if any one lit up a mile away, spoke of world peace, liked watching  "Dancing With The Stars", and was in general someone who wore a lot of pink. His wife was quite the antithesis to her, broad-shouldered, dressed in camouflage, chewed a cigar, mature beyond her years, calculated in her speech, and good at holding her hard liquors. He got cross-eyed for a while 'coz they were so different. Curiously enough, as a few months passed by, he couldn't tell one from the other.

                                                                                                                                            -  SDG

FOUR-LEAF CLOVER AND HORSESHOE TOO

Ah the witch is such an act!
She'll trip you up, then help you up, and tell you she's your lucky charm.

                                                                                                                                 -  SDG

Sad, Disappointed, Defeated, Tired? She can explain the root cause to you in two and a half words - YOU'RE UNLUCKY

When the witch tells you are unlucky, all she's really telling you is that you are stupid.

                                                                                                                                     - SDG

Boo

Please don't be afraid of witches. Yes they are cruel, ruthless, and capable of murder, but must you cringe in fear all your life or what?

                                                                                                                          -  SDG

Snake Charmer

Ever heard the lovely tune "Snake Charmer"? That is how the witch sounds when she speaks. Listen to her c.a.r.e.f.u.l.l.y.
Her voice, intonation, her phraseology, her studied pauses, and, above all, the way she links together seemingly unrelated pieces of information to put together a line of logic she offers to you as a lifeline, all are an art form witches have mastered.
Make an itemized list of events and people and words she tells you to forget or ignore. That list is HER SECRET HIDING PLACE where I have found this treasure trove of witch-ism.

                                                                                                                              - SDG

♫ I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror ♫

The witch was on her honeymoon or so when her husband of three months said to her he had a special friend in town, a very special friend, whom he loved like he loved her, and could he please stay over.
The witch dried her eyes and said,"When does he get here? I'll get the salad ready. And BTW, I have a special guest too. The more the merrier."

                                                                                                                                              - SDG

♫ Because I'm bad, I'm bad - Come on , Bad, bad, really, really bad ♫

For 47 years ALL the witches in my life have had just this to say to me - "You are fat." They have little else to say to me before or after they make that observation vocal.

                                                                                                                           -SDG

How Tantra Got A Bad Name And How The Witch Salvaged Her Reputation

The witch, though never previously married, was not a virgin when she met her husband for the first time in a rest house in Chandni Chowk. He lived in Meerut, she lived in Hyderabad, so she thought it would be a weekend of fun and games and no one would know. She hadn't counted on her neighbor at the rest house being a fellow Hyderabadi who came back to HYD and regaled his friends with wild tales of the witch's exploits in Delhi. When she returned to work that next Monday there were giggles and meaningful glances all over the place. The rumor mill spread this so far and so wide she had no place to hide her south asian face. She called him long distance and told him she was pregnant. They married the following Sunday at a small temple in Secunderabad and took the first train to Meerut to visit his parents. She covered her head like a dutiful bahu and sent home photographs to her parents of the same. He managed to get a job in Secunderabad and they were a happy couple.
She miscarried a month later. Her husband was devastated. Three years later they had a lovely baby girl so all was healed now. Or so we thought.
After the second baby arrived a year later, her husband moved back to Meerut and never sent for her.
He did come for a week to celebrate the second baby's first birthday.
About this time, something sad and creepy began to happen. Her husband slowly started to come undone at the seams. South asian men do not look kindly upon women who are not virgins on their wedding night unless those same women can offer them all their taboos on a silver platter with some kumkum and haldi as compensation.
The witch consulted her tantrik and was told her husband needs the blood of virgins since he has never had any. It is his birthright as a man.
How tantriks go about these things is not quite clear to me but that was the beginning of the end of the  possibility of a nice nuclear family growing up and growing closer together strengthening the fabric of society.
The witch and her husband offer a united front to the world and the little world they inhabit allows them their craziness as both man and wife are in agreement as to how to conduct their daily affairs. There really are many roads to Hell.

                                                                                                                                          - SDG