A Magician Never Reveals His Secrets

The witch called her ex-coworker's ex-boyfriend's unlisted phone number.
The once upon a stooge asked the witch how she tracked him down.
Witch said she found him in the phone book and smiled ever so sweetly.
                                                                                                                        - SDG

PTSD

Will it ever be possible for the witch's ex co-worker to regain the years she lost to PTSD?
Will she ever see the pillars of society as strong proof of goodness in mankind?
Will she stop stuttering at job interviews?
For how many more years will she want to scream every time she hears the name _____ ?
Can she ever see a blessing as a blessing again, and not as a curse disguised as a blessing?
Are there enough good and patient folks on this planet who will understand her panic attacks every time she sees a bottle of prescription medicine and assure her all will be well again?



                                                                                                                                               - SDG

The Canary In The Mineshaft

Watch the witch's spouse and kids carefully.
A least 1 or 2 of them act as the canary in the mineshaft.
If someone is passing out ... don't just stand there ... HELP!

                                                                                                            - SDG

The Happiest Cannibal

She tricked out her itty-bitty little black dress with her huge 14 mm pearls, completely uncalled for at a status report meeting, ugly shoes, and you can almost see a cute little black pillbox hat on that fresh coiff. Wonder who she's burying today. She is the cheeziest, scurviest pall bearer at every death she orchestrates. Ya, you know the type.

                                                                                                                       -  SDG

Snakes and Ladders

Having gotten rid of the most hard-working, most competent, most trustworthy co-worker, the witch has begun to build a bonfire under her boss' chair.
                                                                                                                           - SDG

Note to Mrs. Witch's Boss

Yo, Mrs. Witch's Boss, Nice to connect with you. I hear you are a very smart and very dignified individual.
I hear you've been busy dismantling nuclear warheads at your desk 8-7 every day.
Look under your chair will ya.
The witch left you a little gift there.
It was meant to be a surprise.
Handle with care.
Proceed with caution.
It is a crude bomb, something you might not even recognize since your expertise is in the fields of dismantling nuclear warheads, and of bringing about peace.
You're sharp. You'll figure out the circuitry soon enough.
Disengage a stick of dynamite and give it to the witch will ya.
Sooner or later she will put it where it belongs and blast herself off to which ever universe she came from.
She can't help but do that.

                                                                                                               - SDG

" I want to be you "

When at first the witch begins to want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, understand she is trying to become you.
She can only do that by swallowing you whole and then stealing your identity.
She will cut you off from your friends and tell you she is the only one who cares about you.
Once isolation has been achieved, you will be plucked and primed and quartered and marinated for cooking.
Once cooked, she eats you up.
She burps,"You are what you eat."
                                                                                                        - SDG

Poetic Justice

Years of association with the witch has turned her once upon a stooge into a prophet.
I am not allowed to share the exact nature of the witch's grief, but I hear she suffers, so those who think justice wasn't served can relax knowing justice shows up in many different forms.
                                                                                                                     - SDG

Defection

The witch's once upon a stooge came bearing gifts and a message from her, that she is very "fond"of me and that she should like me to have this gift basket.
Her once upon a stooge said,"I believe you asked her about her shenanigans past?"
"Yup," I said.
"You might want to know she planted prescriptions in her co-worker's desk, got her removed, fucked this weirdo, and got a posting in a different department."
"OMG, that happens in real life??!!!
I thought it was something one only saw on T.V.
This is creeping me out."
"Yeah, you need to know."
Witches have no friends, only allies who eventually desert them, or end up dead once they figure out who the witch really is.
I have a distinct recollection from a couple of years ago when she called me and said,"hehehehehe you know, bad people have very good lives. Hahahaha they get away with murder. You should be bad Sonali. You are just like my Mom. She was sooooo good. And she suffered all her life. hehehehehehe"

Okay people, if I eat the candy from this basket and keel over, you know who did it.

                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                                          - SDG

Covering Her Tracks Like A Pro

The witch's past evil deeds came back to bite her in the butt.
I asked her,"What's going on?"
She looked sweet and innocent and completely guileless and asked in her sweeter than honey mixed with sugar voice, while batting her eyelashes,"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Oh, come on," I said,"you know exactly what I want to discuss with you."
"I have no clue what or who you are talking about. Lovely shirt you are wearing. The color really brings out the sparkle in your eyes. Where did you buy it? I am fasting today so I am feeling very weak. I need to go lie down, then I attend the prayer meeting."

                                                                                                                                 - SDG